Untrue humour and wild whimsy « Untold Arsenal: Arsenal News. Supporting the Lord Wenger; coach of the decade

Kroenke sells, Usmanov buys : big changes at Arsenal!

By Walter Broeckx

People who are on the internet and as you read this you do have access to the internet know that there are a lot of people who claim to know things before they happen.

Now of course this could be that they really know something. Or just that they think about some […]

Mr Redknapp: The Coincidence Man (and what those earlier Untold articles were all about)

Woolwich Arsenal, the club that changed football. Have your name in the book as an official sponsor. Updated information here

By Tony Attwood

If you have a long memory, and take note of the occasional ramblings of mine on this site you might recall that I’ve written a few things about the Redknapp […]

This blog is not one to crow over the misfortune of others

Follow us on Twitter @Untold Arsenal

By Tony Attwood

I didn’t watch the games last night, preferring to spend a pleasant evening in a public house called, appropriately (since I wrote “Making the Arsenal” which is all about Henry Norris) the Norris in Lincolnshire, where we discussed the problems of selling outsize […]

Has Tottenham Hotspur been naughty again? And “worst toilet” competition is suspended.

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“Making the Arsenal” – the book of Arsenal’s decline and rebirth Untold Arsenal on Twitter @UntoldArsenal

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Sign the petition to make sure YOU are not helping fund Tottenham’s new stadium

By Tony Attwood

If you don’t live in the UK you might not know that this country is awash with […]

How the transfer window really works – and the January version has started already

“Making the Arsenal” – the book of Arsenal’s decline and rebirth Untold Arsenal on Twitter @UntoldArsenal

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By Tony Attwood

During the summer when it was unclear to us mere mortals if Arsenal would get the transfers the club wanted, there was much comment among the blogworld to the effect that the supposed failure to […]

FIRE SALE – EPL Club up for sale and cheap at half the price

FIRE SALE – EPL CLUB UP FOR SALE AND CHEAP AT HALF THE PRICE

Don McMahon

Well its finally happened. AFC have been put up for sale to the highest bidder. Messrs Kroenke and Usmanov have thrown in the towel and decided to get out while the going is good. Why may you ask is […]

Re arranged Arsenal Squad Announced!!!

Re arranged Arsenal Squad Announced!!!

By Countdown Brian

Ahh Jaeeeysus

I am tired of all the rumour and intrigue and gossip and scandal surrounding my glorious club and fresh from imagining what it would be like to take some well earned rest nestling in Sara Beeny’s glorious décolletage I have decided to rearrange the squad […]

Lady Nina speaks on Manchester United, Aston City, and life in bed. An Untold Exclusive

By Lady Nina Bracewell Sunlounger

My old quaffing partner David Gill, the Manchester big chief pow wow has had a bash at the Football Association, accusing them of victimising his club with punishments that would not be given to rivals.

Now I know the so-called FA and quite honestly few of them are to […]

Messi sold to Arsenal, Cesc on his way to Barceloanus, Lady Nina reveals all

An exclusive interview with the president of Barcelaonus

By our undercover reporters M. Adeup and T. Ruth.

Additional material by Lady Bracewell-Smythe, and her man, Bisket .

After a narrow escape from the dungeons under the Daily Stuff our reporters have been send on a new mission. A mission to the sun. No, not the […]

Untold Exclusive. The transfer deals to end all transfer deals, as it unfolded this morning

By M. Adeup en T. Ruth, an exclusive view from our undercover reporters in the serious media. Including secretly taken pictures, illegal activities, swearing, and a lot of shouting.

Location: The sports news room, the Daily Stuff.

8.00am : The regular reporters shuffle in the meeting room.

8.05am : After everybody has downed their […]

Dennis Bergkamp talks to Billy the Dog about Aston Villa and other cabbages

By Billy Le Dog

Today is World Vampire Day, and in celebration, we note that the Emirates is the only stadium in the western spiral arm of the galaxy in which a goal scored with a shot from outside the penalty area this season.

And thus, therefore and so we come to Our Jack’s 50th […]

Self help guide to dealing with defeat

Self Help Guide to dealing with defeat.

By Dr Brian

Right all you whining doom mongers and nay sayers read no further. Just lie back and luxuriate in the masturbatory self deception that you were right all along.

For the rest of us there is another game this week end so we cannot afford to […]

i guess that’s why they call it the blues. (i believe i’ll dust my broom)

Arsenal on Twitter @UntoldArsenal

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A preview by Billy The Dog McGraw

Birmingham is a diminutive village famed for being the lowest settlement in the United Kingdom at 170 feet below sea level.

The location, home to elves, dwarves and other such creatures, was discovered by chance […]

Arsenal 4-2-2-2 format takes on small kingdom from the northern outlands

By Billy the Dog McGraw.

This weekend we shall see the new formation – at least that is my prediction. In a second and a half I shall give you the low-down and upside down on the Castle of Neu but first, look at this…

Fabianski

Sagna, Squillaci, Koscielny, Clichy

Songwriter Paul Simon, and the Professor of Philosophy, University of Frinton on Sea, discuss the game with Her Majesty the Queen

By Billy “The Dog” McGraw, Professor of Post-Postprandial Philosophy, the University of Certain Things, Frinton on Sea.

Arsenal travel this weekend to the Manchester Riviera for a game next to the sand dunes and beaches of the exotic ShipCanal on Sunday.

It is a game of some significance for me, as I have been invited […]

Rooney: no more scrapings from the Great Potato

By Bogus Cheese

It’s hard not to feel sorry for Sir Alex F-Word… sorry, I seem to have put an extra word in that. Let’s start again.

It’s hard to feel sorry for Sir Alex F-Word. Despite his much vaunted socialism and his shop steward background he has consistently failed to criticise the owners of […]

Arsenal travel back to the future

Back to the Future – Arsenal 201

By Paul Blythe

As I stand here, piping hot coffee mug cupped in chilled hands staring out of the living room window through the distorting condensation, into the languidly lifting mists of the street beyond. I catch a glimpse of the lovely Christine, a woman of […]

The Anti Arsenal Conspiracy …FACT!

Anti Arsenal Conspiracy …FACT!

By Paul Blythe

I have read recent articles by Tony, Walter and Phil and to be honest I am just a little pissed off. No, not at the authors, not even at what they had to say, but at the subject to which their […]

The Sunderland pitch is tilted and gives an unfair advantage

By Billy the Dog McGraw

This weekend Arsenal play away to Sunderland – the smallest village to have a team in the Premier League. Beer is 1/3 a pint.

The Sunderland web site currently carries an article called “Behind Enemy Lines” which features an illustration of barbed wire in what appears to be a prisoner […]

The Untold Interview with Cesc Fabregas, today’s team, tactics, injuries, crowd trouble

By Gordon Driver and Tony Attwood

We thought today that we might do a sort of match day Untold programme, complete with special feature (the interview with Cesc), plus an updated preview of the game, and the like. (Phil is currently installing himself in his new university in France, and so can’t make […]

On the eve of Armageddon

By Paul Blythe

‘There shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth, when you shall see Marouan, and Laurent, and Sebastien, and all the prophets, in the kingdom of Arsene, and you yourselves thrust out.’

I am a seeker of truth. I study the mystic runes and the wisdom of our ancestors to discover a deeper […]

Theo involved in bizarre airport fiasco with VIPs.

by Roxy Beaujolais

Well! There I was in the first class lounge of Geneva International Airport, Geneva, which is Overseas (as we travelers say) when who should turn up but the England full team, along with their bagmen, carriers and barristers.

You could have knocked me over with a six hundredweight bag of cement and […]

Transfers are over and it’s time to say what we are all thinking… “Wenger out!”

By Walter Broeckx

So it’s final now Squillaci was the last player this transfer season to join Arsenal. Now you all can be happy or unhappy about the signing but I will tell you that I am furious.

I’ve had enough of it. For years I have been supporting Arsenal and our manager Wenger with […]

Untold interview Allerdyce as Arsenal play Bleach Rugby Team at Pleasington Cemetary. It could get nasty.

by Billy “The Dog” McGraw.

As Arsenal prepare to play Bolton, or as they are called locally, Blacheborne (a name which, as I mentioned ahead of the fixture last year, is taken from the Old English name for bleach) Untold Arsenal have had the privilege of an interview with Magnus Samo a notorious northern gangster […]

Billy the Dog’s match preview – Arsenal welcome The Creature from The Black Lagoon.

Arsenal welcome The Creature from the Black Lagoon

By Billy The Dog McGraw, Landlord of the Toppled Bollard, Islington.

At the heart of the matter there are three creatures. Oysten the Greater, Oysten the Lesser, and the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

All three have a significant part to play in the world of Blackpudlian […]