Untold Arsenal » Untrue humour and wild whimsy

Celtic/Arsenal: the score and match report before it happens

All tomorrow’s parties: the service that tells you the result before the game has kicked off. You will be excused if you don’t know that Celtic are playing Arsenal tonight, as the BBC has ordered a virtual blackout of news on the game.

This follows the appalling embarrassment the Corporation faced after their “expert” Mark Lawrenson predicted […]

All Tomorrow’s Parties: Everton/Arsenal report and result before the game is played

As you may know, Team Talk often take articles from here and publishes them later under other people’s names.
I was discussing this with TT yesterday and patiently explaining the software they need to install to stop this, when it suddenly occurred to me that if I reversed the polarity (as we used to […]

All the people you would really prefer not to sit next to at Arsenal

by Michael Fisher and Tony Attwood
There is this supporter. She is, well, different. She inhabited Highbury, and she is now in residence at the Ems. She is there at every game. She has her own seat and such is her presence that some people edge away. Others have […]

Untold Arsenal in habitual How to thrash the clubs

Despite my regular protests Team Talk won’t do anything about people taking Untold Arsenal stories and sticking them on the TT site, with no acknowledgment. OK it is not that important, and you can say, “so what?” and “get over it”. And I see your point, squire, but…

I am sure Team Talk won’t […]

Evening Standard launch another hoax Arsenal story, but its not very good

Just as I was thinking we’d had enough of hoaxes on this site for a while, a post turned up claiming that “Wenger is London’s least popular Premier League manager in the eyes of his club’s own supporters with Roy Hodgson, Guus Hiddink, Gianfranco Zola and Harry Redknapp all polling higher marks for last season”
The […]

Man responsible for Sun Fábregas hoax arrested by police

Anthony Kastrinakis. the man behind the Sun’s famous Fábregas-to-Madrid hoax has been arrested by police. Kastrinakis’ article which claimed that Fábregas was ready to play for Real Madrid was picked up by Arsenal blogs and national newspapers, making it the most successful football hoax in the history of football journalism.

The Sun had for some time been […]

Loss of pound disrupts Arsenal’s preparations

According to reports on Team Talk today, the Bank of England has lost the pound, sending Arsenal FC into chaos. Numerous players – most notably Andre Adebayor, Armand Almunia and Amaury Arshavin – have demanded an immediate renegotiation of their contracts.
“I had no idea that the pound could be lost,” said the Russian ringmaster, […]

Arsène Wenger has not left the building

There’s a story that has cropped up a few times recently, and it goes like this… Arsène Wenger is on holiday or in the Far East or both, when he should be concluding deals in Europe. If he can’t take the club seriously he should be sacked.

As has already been said here by others, […]

Invented Arsenal stories + a rundown of all the clubs that have gone bust

After those of us with a bit too much time on our hands gave the Mirror and News of the World a bit of a run around over their “Everyone wants to leave Arsenal” campaign, they’ve retaliated twice – once with the old-fashioned “snub” standby, and now today with with Wenger clearout story.
The “snub” game […]

Exclusive interview with ex-Arsenal Bentley

To celebrate Anorak Friday, Untold Arsenal met ex-Arsenal and ex-Blackburn superstar Aaron Fortesque Bentley, who is now knocking them in and laying them low for Hottentot Reservoirs in their crowd filled arena at Leyton Ointment.  Untold Arsenal asked Mr Bentley if he was enjoying his current stint as a working foot-baller.
U-A: Are you enjoying your […]