UNTOLD ARSENAL » Blog Archive » 10 man Arsenal stroll past Porto

Editorial note: this article was published originally on the morning of 1 October, and it was meant to be ironic.  However judging by the comments that we’ve had back since then, it is clear that while the three of us who came up with the idea while watching the match thought it amusing, others don’t.  I think the problem is that to get the joke you have to know about some of the earlier articles, or maybe just appreciate irony.  Or maybe its just not very funny.   But anyway, to clarify, this is no more an attack on Wenger or Eboue than the piece about playing Cesc before he was conceived was an attack on sex.   Here’s the piece…

Having amazed the world last week by playing a group of under 5s against Sheffield United in the Alcohol Cup Arsene Wenger went one step further last night by deliberately reducing his side to ten players in order to give the opposition a chance.

On 65 minutes the wonderful Samir Nasri (he is the next Zidane you know) was taken off, and replaced, not by another another player, but by a circus clown.

To the delight of the fans the clown he then trotted over to the right midfield position and started to lark around, meandering up and down like a cross between a peacock and a Dalek on heat that has suddenly sprouted legs.

At one point he attempted to break the world record for step overs, producing 127 moves before falling over and giving the ball to the opposition.

Next he took the ball in a similar position and did a double backwards flip heel counter click movement which ended with him falling over and giving the ball to the opposition.

Such was the hilarity of the crowd that the clown proceeded to do the same trick again, however he quickly tired and eventually reverted to the less complex but still amusing ploy of falling over and giving the ball to the opposition.  In fact he managed that trick 27 times in 9 seconds which is thought to be a world record.

Oh how we laughed. How we chuckled. With his stumpy little legs pumping up and down and him keeping a dead serious face looking as if he were a Nigerian businessman about to buy Newcastle, he took the world by storm and received several offers of Pantomime and Match of the Day punditry before the final whistle.

I must say that overall I would have liked us to put on a footballer at that point and go for more goals, but you have to admire this Wenger chap for his inventiveness. Apparently on Saturday Gunnersaurus is going to play in that tricky central midfield role at Sunderland.

Will we ever see the clown again? With Wenger, who knows?

Oh, and PS – this is supposed to be an example of irony.   That’s the thing you do to your shirt after you washy it.