UNTOLD ARSENAL » 2009 » January » 29

I write this in reply to a detailed letter that has been published on this site, which says why we should no longer support Arsenal.   I believe the opposite.

Partly, because I am a naturally cheery guy (except when I am not) and partly because I am currently writing the history of Arsenal in 1910, and have just got to the bit where they were bought by Fulham, and went on to lose and draw the first six matches of the 1910/11 season.

But leaving that aside, why should we be cheerful just now?

1.  Because we don’t have Benitez as manager.  Remember this man is rated as a really tip top manager in Europe.  He demands total control over the spending of the club (just like the Lord Wenger) and he picks the players, and talks to the press (just like most managers except Sir Alex F-Word).

But if you heard a recording of his commentary about yesterday’s game you’d have noticed the ravings of a mind completely out of control (and on this topic I speak as one who knows).  “Crazy games” were blamed – but there was no definition of the meanings.

He then made silly remarks about Everton being a little club.  How childish.  Childishness is not for managers.  It is for bloggers.

Can you imagine this man in charge of Arsenal?  Can you imagine Wenger attacking the Tiny Totts or their idiot board?   If we had Benetez as manager within one transfer window the club would be £200 million in debt, and the team wouldn’t be improved one jot.

2.  We are not Bolton.  Which of course is obvious – but consider this.   Bolton under Fat Sam the Slug were a disgrace to football, slithering up the table by every illicit means possible, conning refs, feigning injuries, wasting time from the second minute of a game.  This is the side that invented rotational fouling.   Now the Slug has gone and they are managed by G Megson, who has made some modest improvement in the style of play.  In an outburst today said of Bolton supporters, “My feelings about them need to stay private”

He then launched into this huge attack on his club’s fans in which he called Bolton supporters “pathetic”.

3.  We sell out short-notice games against little teams.

We sold all our away tickets for Cardiff, and most of us had a jolly good time on the terraces.   Then, I have to admit I suggested we might not sell out against Cardiff in the replay.  It is short notice, it is on TV, (mark that – it is on TV) and it is against a team that has only a limited amount of gloss and voom and anything else.  And you know what, we’ve sold out all the Arsenal seats.

4.  We are 90% of the way to getting Arshavin, Rosicky, Eduardo, Theo, Cesc.  What a team to bring in to the club!    We are 9 games unbeaten, and we are going to introduce that lot into our team.  That is just totally bloody amazing.

5.  We don’t have Harry Houdini as manager.  Imagine supporting a club that brings in super star managers like Oswaldo Ardiles, Glenda Hoddle, that bloke from Spain who didn’t speak English and Harry Houdini.   The only one who was really much cop was that Dutch fella, about whose mother there was some doubt – he went off and took his team to the top of the German league.

6.  We don’t have a board like the Tiny Totts, who want to sack a new manager every September.

7.  We have a really good ground that is being paid for by a well-organised totally affordable mortgage – and that’s before we start bringing in all the apartment money.   The Tiny Totts have a planning permission (and are bringing out the DVD of the planning permission to celebrate).   Liverpool We Want Yer Money Wak can’t even get planning permission.   Everton “just say no to local democracy we know what’s best for you” can’t sell their disused training ground.

8.  We have no debt other than the mortgage.  Compare with KGB Fulham, Manchester Bankrupt, Al Fayed Fulham, Liverpool Arab, Manchester Money, Newcastle Zebra and almost everyone else.

9.  We have Jack Wilshere, Carlos Vela, Fran Merida, Kieran Gibbs, Aaron Ramsey, Nacer Barazite…

10.  We have the Lord Wenger. 

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If you see what I mean.

(c) Tony Attwood 2009.