Self help guide to dealing with defeat « Untold Arsenal: Arsenal News, supporting the club, the players and the manager

Self Help Guide to dealing with defeat.

By Dr Brian

Right all you whining doom mongers and nay sayers read no further. Just lie back and luxuriate in the masturbatory self deception that you were right all along.

For the rest of us there is another game this week end so we cannot afford to sulk.

Basically we all have seven steps to complete before the next challenge confronts us; the quicker you can complete them the happier you will be.

Or your money back!

Shock and Denial

This is when the reality of the situation hits you square between the eyes. You feel like shit on a stick. You may even think you are dreaming. It can’t have happened!

Well it did. So accept it and move on.

Pain and Guilt

Oh, oh, this is when you reach for the bottle, or vial. Don’t worry you still feel like shit on a stick, but with the added bonus of sick around your toilet, piss in your wardrobe and a hangover.

When the headache wears off and you stop vomiting, relax in the certain knowledge nothing has changed.

Well it hasn’t. Stop hiding behind your drugs and move on.

Anger

Now you are righteously pissed off and like everyone else you need a target for your rage. Manager, player, referee, all are common choices. Many bloggers get stuck here; it is an unhealthy place to be.

Having expressed your anger please try to relax. Fill out insurance claim forms, attend police station, apologise to partner as appropriate and move on.
Bargaining

Hate to say it but this is where the Whinging part of your nature expresses itself in all of its glory. If” ifs and ands were pots and pans, we’d have no need for tinkers!”

Nobody likes a whinger. Feel free to miss out this stage, but don’t fall foul of the buy a new team, sack the manager, they’re all against me conspiracy.

This tends to be tiresome eventually, the quicker you desist the quicker you may return to full health.

Depression and Sorrow

Now you have fainted, got up, got pissed, kicked the dog, and whined like a bitch, the really nasty feelings kick in. Like shit on a stick but bigger better and smellier. You are cast adrift on an ocean of depression, too demoralised to sink or swim.

Can be tricky to navigate this one. You’ve got the choice of antidepressants or seek the company sane minded people.

Get out and about, but remember to leave your shitty stick at home.
Testing and Reconstruction

Getting back to reality and greeting the sun rise with a happy smile you are almost healed again. You look forward to life and whatever the world may throw at you. Your alcohol intake has returned to normal and the wife/girlfriend just might be thinking about speaking to you again.

Keep on keeping on!
Acceptance

Well that wasn’t so bad was it?  I mean nobody died, did they?

After all we are still in the hunt for (….fill in as appropriate….).

Now who are we playing next?

And so it begins again