Pest Control: Sam Allerdyce « Untold Arsenal: Arsenal News, supporting the club, the players and the manager

By Billy The Dog

West Ham manager Sam Allardyce has been warned by pest controllers that he is in their sights, and that he could be relocated to the slug department of London Zoo if he doesn’t behave himself.

Last season Sam Allardyce ran what the prudish press like to call a “foul-mouthed attack” on fans who criticise his team selection, calling the fans of the club he manages  “deluded” after a  game against giants Peterborough.  He then repeated his words in a press conference before losing a game to Reading.

Then he said,

“Negativity around here has been very much in the forefront recently, which has been strange for me because we have lost one in 12.”

But of course the notion of Mr A appearing anywhere near any sort of event in which athletic prowess is required is enough to get the Pest Squad on the march.   Now he is also saying that Stratford has been the “centre of a glorious fortnight of sport”, so West Ham under his suave guidance should get the ground.

One good thing about West Ham or indeed Tottenham having the stadium is that the running track will place spectators well away from the action – and it allows the track to be used for eradication purposes.

“We are looking at a moat filled with wild beasts,” said the head of pests.

Mr Allardyce says  the stadium and surrounding park will fall into decline without him being there.  He told the Times: “I know people think that I am a pest and in need of control, but if you look at my consumption of chewing gum you’ll see this is not the case.

“You only have to look around the world at some of the Olympic Stadiums that have been built. They’re full of people like me and there are weeds growing there. Look at the ‘Bird’s Nest’ in Beijing. Look at Athens.  Look at Southend on Sea.  Look at Clacton.  Look at Blackburn.  I was there you know.

“The Olympic Park can’t be left to rack and ruin. If a club with the history and fanbase and potential of West Ham don’t go there, the concern would be that the park is left empty the vast majority of the time.  But I could fill that place on my own.

“I can understand some West Ham fans feeling that they don’t want to leave the history and tradition of Upton Park, but it’s an incredible opportunity for the club to move forward.

“Six years ago I threatened to sue the BBC.  I still haven’t done it.  That says something.”

Having dealt with Mr Adebayor and Barcelona there is no concerns about the Pest Team dealing with Mr Alledyce.   “We just need to get in extra supplies,” said the head of control.

“Lots of extra supplies.”

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