Monday, March 7th, 2011 « Untold Arsenal: Arsenal News. Supporting the Lord Wenger; coach of the decade

By Tony Attwood

We have been talking in my company about Ashley Cole – and one thing came up.   Why did he take a gun to work?

It is an interesting question because it is one that is laden with pre-meditation – unless of course Mr Cole always takes a gun to work.

I agreed with my fellow directors that should anyone ever turn up at our marketing and publishing company with a weapon we would sack them on the spot, escort them from the premises, change all the locks and call the police.

Having done that we would also then start thinking, “Why did he/she bring a gun to work?”

What’s interesting is that this is not a question that has been asked in any of the publications that I have read (and of course I may well have missed the article if someone did cover it).   But anyway, we carried on with the debate, trying to think why you would ever bring a gun to work if you were a footballer.

Reasons might be…

a) To shoot someone who was annoying you

b) Because others bring guns to work and you feel it is a necessary precaution since a small scale war is liable to break out at any time.

c) You often get the urge to conduct a small scale robbery on the way in to work (those Snickers Bars are bloody expensive after all, and the queues in the supermarket are really a bit too long these days).

d) Sometimes you get a bit peckish, the canteen is rather poor in its choice, and so a spot of red kite doesn’t go amiss for elevenses.

e) It’s a macho thing.  People don’t take you seriously enough and walking around with a gun always helps impress people.

f) Someone made a demeaning comment about your manhood and since you’ve now been banned from pulling down your shorts and revealing all you stick the gun there instead.

g) You mistakenly believe that 1950s Westerns are a truthful reflection on life in the United Kingdom today.  Which of course it isn’t (although bits of south west London can be a little tiresome from time to time I am led to believe).

I don’t know which of these applies to Mr Cole, but it just shows that there are many reasons why one might indulge in this sort of behaviour.

Clearly it didn’t cause much of a stir at the club.  The manager called A Cole “one of the best professionals” with whom he has worked over his career, and that the club would support rather than “kill him” for his misdemeanour.

Mr Abramovich, a man who might well know a thing or two about the rougher outlands of society, having been in the oil business, was said to be taking  “appropriate action” against the player.   One imagines targets have been set up around the ground to improve his accuracy.

Mr Ancelotti said the training ground is “not out of control” – which is an interesting concept.   A player brings a weapon to work and that is defined as being something that is under the control of the club.   Perhaps all the players are told to bring in weapons.   Cobham is another of those areas that is a bit touch and go, I hear.

Also we know the problems that arise down there.  Cole and Terry have had certain issues with the media of late – so maybe all players are armed to protect themselves against journalists.   That, I suppose, is fair enough.