Man U sink, Olympiks Twits, Liverpool naughty, Arry to the rescue « Untold Arsenal: Arsenal News. 800,000 visits last month

In the run up to the Olympik Terror (in which quite of bit of London’s road system grinds to a halt following the introduction of Zil lanes, the Emirates cup has had to be abandoned, and the UK government hosts 17 summits a week to try and raise £1bn ), we’ve had one bright moment.

It is a series called Twenty Twelve, and is based in the Olympic Deliverance Commission, whose officers include a Head of Brand, a Head of Sustainability, a Head of Legacy, and a Head of Infrastructure (whose knowledge of London’s transport system is about the same as my cat).

Among their disasters is the fact that terrorists have fixed the starting pistols to shoot real bullets, the Legacy team’s one idea is to plant an oak tree near Westminster, but having failed to get planning permission plant it in a pot.  Unfortunately no one thought to get an acorn so their guest star athlete plants a chocolate button instead.  The fireworks on opening day set off the missiles situated on east end tower blocks.  (Actually there are missiles on east end tower blocks, they didn’t make that up).

That’s the TV series.  It won awards.  It was brilliant.

Then we had the real thing.  All the security was given to a firm called FukTheGames4 or something [G4S actually], and just one week before the opening it was found that instead of having tens of thousands of security guards everywhere we actually had about 15.  Since then people have been interviewed daily about the fiasco and it turns out that the few who were trained were given simple tests to prove they were ready – and if they got them wrong they could try the same questions again and again as often as they liked until they passed.   Now most of our army and half the police forces of the UK are on duty – so if anyone wants to declare war on the UK, now is the time.

But then yesterday the games started, and on the big screen for the North Korean football match, each player had the South Korean flag next to her.  The North Koreans walked off.  They didn’t have to declare war – they are at war with South Korea anyway.   Not one announcement was made to the crowd, so they had no idea why the Koreans walked off.   After an hour they got the game going and the crowd was told it was a technical failure.  The crowd booed.

Turns out the Twenty Twelve show wasn’t make-believe after all.

Meanwhile Man U have stopped their $300m flotation in New York.  Apparently the markets are “volatile”.   Oh.  And here was I thinking that during the greatest economic catastrophe since the South Sea Bubble, everything was stable.  Silly me.

So now that’s three failed Man U stock launches in a row: Hong Kong stockmarket (too Chinese),  Singapore (too Asian) and now New York (too volatile).   Still there is always the Lichtenstein market.

Manchester United is a company registered in the Cayman Islands.

Meanwhile (again) Arry Redknapp is an ex-manager registered in Toy Town. Every club except Tottenham that he has managed has gone bust, although there is no link between his management and the subsequent collapse of clubs like Portsmouth, Southampton, Bournemouth and West Ham.   Now Portsmouth are about to follow Rangers in being kicked out of their league for being bankrupt.  But fear not.  Harry has said he will help the club.

Fortunately not with financial advice, although his dog Rosie is on the scene Untold can exclusively reveal.  No, Arry wants to talk with Kanu, who is owed £3m in back pay.  Tal Ben Haim is also owed that amount.   One wonders if Tottenham has finished looking in the woodwork and under the carpet at WHL yet.

And so to Liverpool.  Their credibility was on a high after they took a stand against homophobia by supporting Liverpool Pride: the first Premier League club to be officially represented at a UK LGBT Pride event.  100% to them for that.

Meanwhile they have brought in the ex-Swansea manager, with a written agreement that Liverpool would not approach any Swansea players for the next year.  Now Liverpool have put in an enquiry for Joe Allen.   The aim of course is to tap him up – they say they are not bidding for the player, but they are just “enquiring”.  It is the sort of behaviour associated with Barcelona, and it is surprising that Liverpool, who make so much of their past, and who can really take a brave stand on an issue that football repeatedly ignores (see for example my half dozen rants about Tottenham supporters behaviour at Portsmouth and how the police and THFC ignored the issue) should pull such a cheap stunt.    Next thing you know they won’t be able to pay the players’ wages.

Just to add a twist Liverpool have made the details of Allen’s contract public.

I am told (but don’t know for sure) that the deal with Liverpool failed to include any sort of penalty for Liverpool if they did do anything to unsettle any player, and did not give specific examples of what “unsettling” might mean.   Perhaps a little naive of Swansea.

Never mind it will be all right on the night.  Unless of course you are the Olympiks organising committee.   (Although I must be fair – as a result of the Olympiks the town where I live has the most magnificent new swimming pool.  The Israel and Jamaica Olympik teams practice there and I trot down a couple of times a week to do a quick (or to be more precise) slow kilometre in the main pool.   But looking at the number of my fellow local residents who use this truly wonderful facility, I can’t see that it is possibly sustainable.  I rather fear my rates (local taxes) are going to rocket next year.

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