Dire, appalling, grotesque, mindless, ill-informed, repetitive « Untold Arsenal: Arsenal News. 800,000 visits last month

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By Tony Attwood

Dire, appalling, grotesque, mindless, ill-informed, rephandetitive

Yup, the house TV channel of the AAA were back with a performance so useless that it rivalled their notorious handling of Arsenal’s 6-1 win away to Everton at the start of the season a few years  back.  Thank goodness they have lost their licence to destroy matches in the Premier League after this next season.

In case you weren’t following the match on ESPN let me explain.  The teams changed at half time, and the commentators didn’t have a clue who was on.  There was no graphic, no stream bar, nothing.  Occasionally we got the names of the youngsters on the pitch, but not always, and certainly we got no commentary on the interesting formations that were being experimented with.  In fact it was quite clear that the two commentators not only hadn’t got a clue, they weren’t actually there.  They were sitting in a studio somewhere, and watching the same pictures as we were – but without knowing who the players were.

So what did they do?  They filled up the time by repeating the same script that they have been using for years.  In the end it got so mindlessly awful that one of the commentators said of Arsenal, “They have always been a team that tries to walk the ball into the net under Wenger.”

So that is walking the ball into the net like oh, I don’t know, Henry, Pires, Bergkamp, Van Persie…

Oh and then they had a chat about David Beckham.

There was a lot more of this, but I couldn’t be arsed to write it down. We also had no review at the end of the game, no interview with Mr Wenger – but then I suppose it would have been embarrassing as they didn’t know who was playing so they wouldn’t have had any questions to ask.

What was self-evident was that the game was played on a pitch that churned up like a village ground after the rain.  And out there you had players like Diaby, back for his first game, and absolutely not wanting pre-season to do his ankle.  Some of the depressions left after tackles were even worse than that.

The Arsenal team avoided injuries because they took it easy, backed off, and followed what was clearly the prime instruction: don’t get injured.   They played mostly as an under 21 side with a few older players, and they played in unusual formations.   We could have had quite a discussion about Santos playing up front (maybe you saw that one coming along, but I certainly didn’t), but there was nothing on that.  Instead they had a bash at Chamakh and then told us that without RVP there wouldn’t be any goals.  Oh, so we don’t have new signings then?  And we didn’t score any goals in the seasons before this last one when RVP didn’t play that way?

We could also have talked about Coquelin in central midfield, but no, we didn’t.  Or the fact that normally this game is played in Austria against a local team, as Arsenal players start to warm up.

Anyway, in case you were watching the inept and stupid EPSN here is the first half team

Vito Mannone

Carl Jenkinson;  Thomas Vermaelen (c);   Johan Djourou; Kieran Gibbs

Abou Diaby; Francis Coquelin; Mikel Arteta

Andre Santos; Chamakh; Gervinho

And in the second half we had

Kyle Bartley; ; Nico Yennaris;  Craig Eastmond, Ignasi Miquel

Alex Song; Thomas Eisfeld; Chuks Aneke;

  Ryo; Benik Afobe; Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain

Walcott played until being replaced by Eisfeld.

It was a highly experimental team, and with everyone being careful of the pitch, it was a fair old performance.  I doubt that Arsenal really expected such an awful pitch, and hopefully they will be checking more carefully in future.   Mr Wenger I suspect will be having words – not with his players but with whoever did the deal to play on this pitch.

The Malaysian players were playing at the end of their season – which is why it was strange that they broke up the game so much by stopping it every four minutes to make another sub in the second half.  In fact they even did that twice in the first half.  Not much good from a spectator point of view.

And learning points?  Well, not very many.  Ryo looks what we always thought he looked – an incredible prospect – he can dance around holes in the ground, while taking the ball forward.  The Ox was a sensation even at this early stage.  Alex Song did one of his sensational passes, which the commentator seemed to suggest no one had ever commented on before (so obviously he wasn’t watching RVP accept those passes then last season).   And Eisfeld.  Wow.  What a way to start your career.  He scored and looked emotionless.  Extraordinary, as TV commentators might say if they had a clue who he is.

We won 2-1, not that it matters.  More to the point no one got caught in a hole in the ground and twisted an ankle.  That is the good news.

I think it is great that Arsenal should travel the world and play games in front of fans everywhere.  I just don’t want those matches to be on pitches like this.