Bored and Annoyed in Times of International Football (and a song)) « Untold Arsenal: Arsenal News. Supporting the Lord Wenger; coach of the decade
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Bored and Annoyed in Times of International Football
By Gooneraside
Yes, like many of you, I’m bored with this absence of real football. And I’m annoyed, but, I suspect, no more annoyed than most of you.
Right now, just when we, The Arsenal, are in the middle of one terrific run of results, when we look forward eagerly to each forthcoming match, not only to see a game of beauty from our boys but also anticipating at least one upset by one of the media-favoured teams, they make us wait on tenterhooks while national teams with no chance of winning the upcoming competition play each other to see which one will gain a little money. And don’t get me started about overpaid national team mis-managers showing that they were really working while attending (for free, I don’t doubt) all those matches and then tweaking their team selection for some useless friendly when they already know their final selection (injuries and red cards excepted).
I feel better after that rant, so I’ll come to the main reason for this piece of prose. Just what can we do during these times of boredom? How can we make them pass quicker?
Of course, we can read blogs. And I do. Untold, of course, and a few others of my favourites. I thank those fine writers (you know who you are) who produce something of interest every or nearly every day and also those who do the same thing less regularly. Even comments are often worth checking out, although I do find amusing the self-glory that some assume by writing the first comment often without firstly reading the blog. More amusing is “First” written unwittingly in the second comment. After my favourite blogs, I even started looking at others until I found I’d typed in “Le G”. I shuddered, murmured “Forgive me, Lord Wenger, for I have nearly sinned” and stopped.
I started reading from my library of The Arsenal books but realised that, for example, reviewing the history produced by Geoffrey Mowbray in celebration of the 75th anniversary of the club couldn’t compare with the thrill of remembering recent great plays by our boys, especially their goals. Robin’s third against Chelsea and Cech’s useless attempt to stop it is a case in point.
So I decided that I might cure the boredom somewhat and show my appreciation to those who wear the shirt by producing a song for them. Danny Graft has no need to feel the slightest concern – his anthem is far superior although my effort will have a tune.
I considered the title Our Team to the tune of Our House but realised that would be Madness (sorry), so decided on Green Grow the Rushes. For any of you not familiar with this song, there are versions on YouTube – threelegsoman does a reasonable one. I’ll wait while you check it out.
Ah, you’re back. So here goes with the first verse:
I’ll bring you one, ho.
Clean flow the passes, oh.
What is your one, ho?
One is Song who plays alongside Frimpong for The Arsenal-oh.
Well that’s a start. Incidentally, the ho’s you’ll see are meant in the manner of Yo, ho, ho! And not Yo’ momma’s a ho!
You’ll have noticed that the original second verse makes reference to lilly-white boys and that has allusions to that lot up the road and has to go.
I’ll bring you two, ho.
Clean flow the passes, oh.
What is your two, ho?
Two to the fast, wide boys, Gervinho and Theo,ho!
One is Song who plays alongside Frimpong for The Arsenal-oh.
I’ll bring you three, ho.
Clean flow the passes, oh.
What is your three, ho?
Three, three is Sagna-ho!
Two to the fast, wide boys, Gervinho and Theo,ho!
One is Song who plays alongside Frimpong for The Arsenal-oh.
The verses in the original relating to numbers four to twelve are really too short to include enough detail so I decided to lengthen them, almost to the style of line two – I think it works. And I’m sure you don’t need nor want to have to read each individual verse – anyway, I’m not trying to outdo Swiss Rambler – instead here are the relevent lines.
Forward passes made much better by Rambo, Beny and Arteta,
Five youths on the door do knock, Jenks, Gibbs, Ox, Ryo and Coq,
Six foot six at the back, with Kos and Verm is Mertesack,
Seven per season flashes of heaven from Rosicky and owl Arschavin,
Eight legs subbing front and back, Santos, Park, Djorou, Chamakh,
Doctor’s orders cure little Jack, but will Diaby ever be back?
Tension every time appear, Squillaci or Almunia,
Eleven, two poles between two poles, Fabi and Szczes fulfil those roles,
Twelve, yes we’ve got a twelfth man – not the ref but all the fans,
Yes, I know that some of those rhymes are rather laboured but that’s the best I could manage in one break. And yes, I know, there’s somebody missing. Or maybe there’s more than one person missing – I apologise if there are others. I just couldn’t resist finishing the song in the same way that Jimmie Rodgers did in 1962 with English Country Garden. You can YouTube that song too if you wish, although you’ll have to put up with nearly three minutes of pure schmaltz before that ending. Here’s the twelfth verse and ending in entirety.
I’ll bring you twelve, ho.
Clean flow the passes, oh.
What is your twelve, ho?
Twelve, yes, we’ve got a twelfth man – not the ref but all the fans,
Eleven, two poles between two poles, Fabi and Szczes fulfil those roles,
Tension every time appear, Squillaci or Almunia,
Doctor’s orders cure little Jack, but will Diaby ever be back?
Eight legs subbing front and back, Santos, Park, Djorou, Chamakh,
Seven per season flashes of heaven from Rosicky and owl Arschavin,
Six foot six at the back, with Kos and Verm is Mertesack,
Five youths on the door do knock, Jenks, Gibbs, Ox, Ryo and Coq,
Forward passes made much better by Rambo, Beny and Arteta,
Three, three is Sagna-ho!
Two to the fast, wide boys, Gervinho and Theo,ho!
One is Song who plays alongside Frimpong for The Arsenal-oh.
Robin, don’t forget the Robin, Robin, Cap. van P. is Robin.
So there we have it. If you’ve got any ideas to improve the song (without changing the squad), feel free to comment. But don’t take too long – for did not the Chinese philosopher, Wun Hung Lo, say “Man who tries to forecast future football team has vision obscured by murky transfer windows.”
At least I’m not now bored. But I’m annoyed again – I can’t get that first verse out of my head now!
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