Arsenal News » Totts issue celebratory mug and DVD after Saturday game

Tottenham Hotspur have continued their theme of celebrating matches against Arsenal with a special edition DVD and Spurs coffee mug following the 3-0 defeat on saturday.

The official reason for this release is not that the club like to find every possible way of ripping off its supporters and getting them to fork out good money for a load of tat while watching a team that is pathologically unable to score, but the fact that the club has now officially overtaken Arsenal in terms of the depth of its squad – as announced by Roy of the Rovers before the game.

“We have achieved planning permission for our training ground,” said chairman, Mr Daniel Levy, “and we have drawn some very pretty pictures of a new football pitch, so this is a good time to celebrate”, and who is to gainsay such astounding logic?

The Tiny Totts as they are affectionately known (after a comic for 3 year olds invented by PG Wodehouse in 1929) expect to break into the top 15 this year of the Conference South.  “After that who knows?” asked Mr Levy.

The game itself was seen as a major step forward by the club.  This is the headline from the Telegraph today

“Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp has dismissed his side’s 3-0 loss to Arsenal as a blip, saying Spurs have the same level of quality as their north London rival and a Champions League qualification is still possible.”

Mr Renknapp also is quoted in the paper as saying

“I thought they (Arsenal) were edgy, they were giving the ball away, the crowd was moaning at every mistake.”

And

“There is no gap between the clubs in my opinion,” he added.

As a result, Mr R immediately demanded that the full propaganda machine of Tottland swing into action – just as it did last year when the Tinies got a draw at the Ems.   His son was ordered to mention that reserve league football was rubbish, every time he was interviewed on Sky.  (The fact that Tottinghamland don’t have a reserve team any more was not mentioned).

“Slobber, slurp, psosdfl slobber, grung, slurp,” said their head of communication, and I think we can all agree.

Copies of the DVD with free mug will be available in Help The Aged shops price 23p from Thursday.   Alternatively you could go and buy a copy of MAKING THE ARSENAL – the new novel about Arsenal which is much funnier.  It’s available to buy on line.

(c) Emperor Haile Selassie, November 1st, 1910.  Reproduced without permission, and no insult to his royal highness is intended by this piece of whimsical twaddle.