Arsenal News » Lord Wenger for President

So having spent a day arguing about when people were signed and the value of our youth system, the Lord Wenger now tells us it is all going to be pulled to bits by the new FIFA plans to limit transfers of players under 18.

Our Great Leader pointed out that we have the “90-minutes” rule (which seemingly encourages families to buy fast cars to get the kids to the ground) and the “home-grown players” rule (which encourages parents to buy more manure I suppose).

I guess next we will have a rule that stops us signing players before they are born, and if that comes in, where will we be?

The Lord Wenger says, “it’s vital that this under-18 transfer rule is not implemented because English clubs would have a domestic limitation and a foreign limitation, making it harder to produce home-grown players… We can only pray that somebody next to London Colney is as gifted as Maradona and says, ‘Please can I play for you.’”

Meanwhile the minister of sporty things and fake expenses has said that the Sweet FA is in need of immediate reform.  He says that the recommendations of the Burns four years ago must be implemented in full or face a £25m cut in grassroots funding and the withdrawal of political support.

So as if the arguments about the under 18s and the mileage rule were not enough we now are going to get a load of other changes to the FA, who spend all their time mucking about with things that they are utterly unable to comprehend or deal with.

These are, let us not forget, the people (along with their foreign counterparts) who take our players, injure them, hand them back, and then do it again.  They connive with FIFA to scupper meaningful schedules, playing friendlies just before the season opens, and then a week later stopping the season here there and everywhere for their own silly ends.

Minister Sutcliffe also told the FA to work with the EPL more closely, which is a bit like telling my cat to set up a co-operative committee with the dog next door.

The FA is a shambles and a half – it can’t even decide whether the people who own Notts County are fit and proper, probably because it still can’t work out who they are.   That might seem a trivial point from an Arsenal perspective, but just think – Notts County have been taken over by an unknown bunch of people hiding behind a Swiss company and they could be anyone.  Supposing they are not accepted by the FA – that presumably ends the existence of the oldest league club in the world.  Nice one.  How long does it take to see if a guy is a crook or not?

Presumably quite a while if Switzerland is involved – I suppose they are still thinking about the England manager and all his fake accountancy and that fine of £6m he got for taxation matters while living with the Swiss.  Difficult thing, money.

Or lets consider the Women’s League.  We were supposed to have a summer league starting next year to encourage the game.   The FA said it would be on, and then said, oh no and at a moment’s notice, they stopped it.   This is the same FA who allowed league clubs for 70 years to ban women’s football from their clubs.

So one might think, anything could be better than the FA – until we think oh, its the government.  That awfully nice bunch of people who, on seeing that the bankers destroyed our economy decided to give a load of money to the bankers without any restrictions on what they did with it.  So now the bankers are doing it all again.   Nope, I don’t think I would trust the bank infested government to be any better than the FA.

Who is to lead us then?  Who will get us out of this mess?

There is of course only one solution. If the Lord Wenger became grand president of the Universe, we would probably be safe.

LORD WENGER FOR PRESIDENT.

That should sort it.

(c) Tony Attwood 2009