Snooping Around Stoke’s Losers « Untold Arsenal: Arsenal News, supporting the club, the players and the manager

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Snooping Around Stoke’s Losers

By Sammy The Snake

So Stoke travelled to “Theatre of A Sex Show”  to roll over and play dead! I watched the first 45 of the game, and did something I’ve rarely done in my football life: I switched off the telly and went to sleep. The wife was amazed! Sammy The Snake turning off the TV when a rival team may drop points?

I don’t know if I saw it on TV or dreamt it, but I distinctly remember Tony “The Bottom” Pulis holding a K-Y Jelly tube at the touchline, offering it to his players and advising them to open their butt cheeks wide open so it wouldn’t hurt.

Sharcross bent over so hard that he woke up with a throat-ache this morning! Lucky thing Rooney wasn’t on the pitch!!!

Tony Pulis must have been pretty ecstatic to get his ass slapped hard by SAF when his post match comments were “United too strong”. In other words: Oh, your Johnny is so big Alex, stop it! You’re hurting me… Just be gentle… Keep doing it, but show some love, I hate it when you ignore me… You can do what you want with me here, but just show some respect when we go out together (err… press conference).

And imagine Sir F replying: Just shut up and take it, b!tch! I know you like it rough… If you say one more word, I’ll know what to do with you… Just shut up and let Daddy do what he wants with you…

You all know where I’m going with this, so I’ll just stop right here. My job at Untold is to bring news of the farfetched football world, and Tony may cut my dental plan if I move out of my designated assignment.

I’ve wanted to write about a little team for so long, just to see what their fans are doing in the cyber world.  If the world of ManC, with all that money, is so quiet, how visible are fans from smaller teams? What better tiny team than Stoke?

Searching “Stoke Football Blog” on Google gets you very little:

Stoke City Blog is first on the list, and the latest article is dated September, 30^th (thankfully, 010).

Second on the list, is no other blog! None. Nada. Zilch.

Taking a cue from Sir Tony, I go to Stoke City News (from the same guys that do Gooner News), wishing & hoping… All I find are news articles from your daily junk papers. No blogs!

But the news is catching my attention, it reinforces my worst fears. Tony is to wed Alex is a secret ceremony in Vegas! Here is  the headlines by Yahoo Sports: “Pulis Senses Man United Glory”. Hardly surprisingly!

What a dead-end.

My last resort is to visit the Stoke official web site, located at stokecityfc.com. The official mouthpiece is so proud of their troop’s performance against the evil army. “We Run United Close Again – Pulis” is the headline, what else can you expect? They count Britannia, Adidas and Carlsberg as partners; I know what beer I’m not drinking from now on…

Desperate by now, I go to Wikipedia. I learn that Stoke are considered to be the second oldest professional club in the world, and the word “senile” springs to my mind. Their best league position was 4^th in 1935-36. This shows why they can lose games at will with no questions asked of them.

How disappointing, and EPL team with little presence on the web!

Have you heard the one when Sir Alex walks into a bar, puts Tony Pulis on the bar and says “This is the smartest lap dog in the world”?

Sammy The Snake

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