Untold Arsenal: Arsenal News. Supporting the Lord Wenger in all he does » Untold Rumours… Inter Sign Cesc – no its Man City

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Last updated 18 April 2010

Teams will have to travel to South Africa by boat for the World Cup if there are no planes.  The World Cup will go ahead no matter how difficult it is for fans and teams to get there.

No need to worry about Fabregas.  Song has told the News of the World that Cesc will do one more season.  So that’s all right.

Arsenal are offering Wenger a new deal up to 2014 (Mirror)

Arsenal are signing MAn City keeper Joe Hart for £8m (Mirror) and Eduardo is going to Lyon (News of World)

Tom Hicks said, “I’ll make four times my money from selling the club” (speaking about Liverpool – News of World)

Arshavin is leaving this summer because he doesn’t like….

• the traffic
• driving on the left
• the weather
• the tax
• his fellow players
• Wenger

Manchester City have bid £50m for Fabregas so that he can give his playing career a new lease of life (News of the World)

Wenger will leave the club in 2011 because of its inability to match his ambitions.  (And if you believe that you’ll believe anything, so keep reading…)

Arsenal have signed Marounane Chamakh – but we knew that anyway.

And we are going to sign Loic Remy.

But our pre-season plans have fallen apart because the new team to replace Cesc (see below) was to be based around James McCarthy of Wigan, but he says he wants to speak English in the tea room.

Cesc has played his last game for Arsenal, as he is will play for Barca next season.  “I’ve had enough of English refs not protecting me,” he said, according to that font of all knowledge the Mail on Sunday.

AC Milan might be looking to get rid of our old pal Mathieu Flamini to Lyon in the next transfer what-not.

Flamini, has failed to become a first choice starter in the past two years, despite describing his move at the time as a dream move, and thus managing to insult virtually every Arsenal fan with a modicum of sense.

Alternatively Man City could buy him, as they buy everyone.  Likewise the Tiny Totts.

MEANWHILE…

What’s interesting at the moment is that most of the gibberish stories in the papers are not about Cesc leaving, but rather us buying stories.   We have had the Arshavin is fed up story, which was a reprint of the same story from November last year which was the reprint of… and so on, but mostly it is who we are buying.  Such as…

• Loic Remy – striker from Nice
• Vlachidimos – goalkeeper from Stuttgart

There’s others around but I won’t bore you with them, as in the end it is just a list.   So on to the other hobgoblins of the newspaper industry…

Inter have taken out a team insurance policy with Cesc’s name on it (cos they’re sure of signing him!)..  Thanks to Calibre 09 for that one, commenting on the Arshavin Hoax story

There’s no flies on the Sky Spots team (previously Sky Sprots) who on discovering that Hull Spitty had a player called Steven Mouyokolo immediately decided that Arsenal were going to buy him.

“Anyone with the name kolo has to join Arsenal,” said Syd Spot, head of the Making-it-up unit in the Sky.

“Mouyokolo initially struggled to establish himself in the Tigers side after making the move from Boulogne last summer,” they shimmer.  “But he has gradually settled into English football and reports in France suggest his performances have drawn admiring glances from higher up the Premier League.”

Err… so Arsenal in England report in France that they are watching a man playing for an English team.  Because…

Tottenham Hotspur want to buy Arsenal.  OK not today, but that was the story the press were carrying 100 years ago.  Details on Making the Arsenal

Nic Bendtner is going to Bayern Munich.   You know it is not so much that someone can make this gibberish up, but rather that they actually think that anyone else is going to believe it.

Roman Abramovich is very aware that he warned all his KGB players that there must be no more incidents, no more embarrassments, no more misdemeanors.   Therefore having heard of John Terry’s maniac driving which resulted in a broken leg as he left the club’s car park, he feels morally bound to deal with the issue.  He has therefore ordered up the normal KGB approach – the boiling oil, the turkey beak, the water boarding, and 16 hour sessions strapped in front of a TV showing Andy Grey talking, and talking, and talking, and arghhhhhhh….

West Ham are withholding image rights payments to their players.  “We discovered that when most of our players stand in front of a mirror you can’t see them,” said Harry Sex, chairman of the club.  “I’ve had the physio – Fancya Quickie on to this, but he hasn’t got a clue what to do.  Anyway, the chances are that at least eight of the first team are vampires, and so we really don’t have any image rights to sell.”

John Terry ate my grandmother. Actually I can’t think of anything else to say on that story, but I like the headline.

The KGB in Fulham are offering J Cole and Deco for sale, complete with secret tape recordings and videos of their private lives.  They plan to buy Torres.  “Liverpool she is bust,” said a monolith on behalf of the klub, “we give her money she give us player.  I learn to speak like Spanish man see?”

Roman Pavlyuchenko has won the award for the longest surname in the EPL this season.

Juventus want to sign Cesc Fabregas. They are planning an audacious bid to hijack the efforts of Barca to get him.   Now that is interesting because as far as I know you can only hijack something that is actually there.  I mean, if I am thinking of going to the dance tonight, could you hijack my thought by going instead?  Err… well, no.

But still, it does mean we could have…

Portsmouth planning to hijack Juve bid for Cesc Fabregas.  “He’ll fit in well in the second division,” said Sheikh Yerbootie.

Manchester City are setting up an audacious bid to buy the FA.  “These rules are just a pain in the camel’s bump,” said Sheikh Yermoney.   And who is to gainsay such an eminent authority.  He did after all sign Mark Hughes.

Wayne Rooney wants to sign Juventus. No misprint there, he wants to buy the club.   “I like toys,” said the old fella.  And why not.  Didier Drogba has just bought Swansea.

Real Mad want to sign Wayne Rooney. It’s true.  All the papers say so.  And with Man U’s real financial disaster getting worse by the second, and with the precident set last with the Christiano Ronaldodo, it could happen.  Real Mad only have to sell 700 million shirts to pay for it.   Sir Alex F Word will resign if this goes through and he is expected then to manage Notts County.

Mark Hughes could be manager of Hull Spitty.  If ever there was a case of a manager and a club made for each other…

If Rafa Benitez is sacked by Liverpool he has to be paid £16m, according to the ever inventive Daily Mail – but even they may have got this one right.  What they failed to say was that Liverpool need to pay RBS £100m in the summer as part of the refinancing deal, which is much more of a problem for them.   Clearly if all this shake out comes about, then Gerrard and Torres would be up up and away.

Just before the sacking of Phil Brown from Hull he was served with an injunction by the solicitor of one of his own players according to the highly excitable Sun.  Tom Cairney is 19 and his legal man told Brown to leave his boy alone and not enough talk to him.  So did Cairney and others know in advance that Brown was going?  Or did he just not like the man?

John Terry is so fed up with the negative publicity surrounding his father (convicted of dealing in cocaine), mother and mother-in-law (convicted of shop lifting) and himself (admitted having an affair with the common law wife of a fellow player, and caught on camera taking money to allow newspapermen to snoop around the training ground) that he has decided to leave England at the end of the season.  “I am going to Real Madrid,” said Terry.  I would have gone last year, but I had to wait until they all learned English.  I am having lessons every day.”

More will be added regularly.  If you have a good rumour, please do send it to Tony@hamilton-house.com

And remember, our rumours are worth just as much as anyone else’s.

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