Arsenal News » CHERISHING THE LONESOME: Portsmouth – the result before the match is played

ALL TOMORROW’S PARTIES: Giving you the results before the ball leaves the centre spot.

When predicting the results with the stunning accuracy of the “All Tomorrow’s Parties” team it is important to understand the opposition, their psychology and their tactics.

Portsmouth have been pursued by Sheik Yerbooty for the past 8 years, but sadly in the end all the Sheik had was water under the bridge. (Sorry that metaphor doesn’t work, but you know what I mean).

So up steps Peter Storrie who wants to buy the club (for reasons that will not become clear at this time) who is not Peter Storey, who was a hardman midfielder who played for Arsenal. However Peter Storrie says he will bring Sheik Yerbooty into his company, and come to that he’d welcome Peter Storey if he has any of the gold left.

“But what about tactics?” says Hardly Anyone, the club manager. “No prob,” says Peter Storrie – “we were planning to park the team bus in front of the goal, but now we can have a two storey bus – in fact a double decker.”

“Desmond Decker?” asks Hardly Anyone, but no one takes any notice.

Back in the Ems the heads are pondering. “I’ve got it,” says chief wizzard Pat Rice, but the medical team soon sort it out. “We’ll put Jack Wilshere on the bus. He’s under 18 so he can pay half price.”

And thus tactics are born. Poor sad Portsmouth – but they are part of football, part of the tradition (I first went to a game there on December 6 1958 (with my mum and dad of course) – we won 1-0 and Nutt scored), and I feel for their plight. I also remember seeing them at Torquay in the fourth division, after my dad retired to the south west. “Cherishing the lonesome” is about right.

As I mentioned en passant last time, this is the team we put out for the second game of the season against Fulham, one year ago

Almunia Sagna, Toure, Gallas, Clichy Walcott, Eboue, Denilson, Nasri

Van Persie, Adebayor

Toure in defence is replaced by Vermaelen – an improvement on Toure of last season so 1-0 to the Arsenal.

Walcott, Eboue and Nasri:two injured one most likely to be a sub. Instead we have the case of Arshavin, Song and Cesc – each worth a goal compared with last year’s team – 4-0 to the Arsenal

Up front Ade has gone to play with the sandpit and some say VP is not firing on all 8 cylinders, although I am not sure I fully agree, but maybe the team will change and the Lord Wenger would like to consider Bendtner and Eduardo. 6-0 to the Arsenal

On the bench that leaves VP, and maybe Vela (although one blog said he was injured and another that he is lost in the Bermuda Triangle). Then surely Half-Fare Wilshere will get a look in. There is Ramsey too, plus Eboue, Gibbs, Diaby and Silvestre. Actually I can’t remember how many on the bench there are, which shows you how excited I am.

Anyway 6-0 looks a fairly likely score, so that’s what we’ll take. Six nil to the Arsenal. We’ve got both games right so far this season, although a minor variation in the number of goals, so there is no doubt that the season will progress according to our master plan.

In the first edition of this post I mentioned a spare ticket – that has now been taken. Sorry.

(c) Tony Attwood 2009